CAPE G_ Friday, Feb 3 Febary 9, t995.- 39,
The pack out was tiresome and treacherous
Continued from page 38
blobs of compressed and freeze-dried
spaghetti and meat sauce or ham omelettes,
potatoes au rotten grautin and corned beef
hash which come complete with tabasco
sauce, chicldets, wet naps and toilet tissue.
In Somalia the Marines couldn't give the
stuff away.
Meals were cluttered with boiling water
and mess kits reminding me of lunch with
Lucy and Ricky Arnez. Bodily functions
performed in private in a 15 degree snow-
storm are, in a word, disgusting. "Is a bear
Catholic? Does the Pope.,"-Deepdods..
bathroom humor. Sweet dreams and wet
naps.
Talk around the campfire at night was not
so much about women as it was about the
waxing moon and waning masculinity.
There were Cub Scout and Webelos jokes
and of course the required Blazing Saddles
orchestra which sounds a lot like Dueling
Oboes.
I'm sure humor begins the same way in a
maximum security prison.
Tent sleeping under severe arctic condi-
tions separates the men from the boys and
hopefully the men from the men. Know
what I mean, Veto? I find wearing a ski hat
while sleeping inside a canvas igloo nQt
even a little bit fun. My tert mates.snored or
_mooched around (except Ellsworth who's
an alien from Ashtabula) while I shined a
flashlight inside my sleeping bag checking
the time.
Once I did fall asleep and later woke
everyone up with a rapid breathing sublimi-
nal anxiety attack dream.
Captain McCann, snug inside a mummy
bag with just a small window for his eyes,
awoke in a claustrophobic fit and punched
his way clear of his bag.
The "pack out" on Sunday morning along
a poorly blazed primitive trail was tiresome
and treacherous. Six midlifers and one rent-
ed mid-wifer --just kidding-- slugged
three miles uphill over t,100 feet of eleva-
tion crossing, the river nine times while car-
trying 80 pound packs on their backs balanc-
ing the shifting loads with homemade walk-
ing sticks.
"Watch that rock, it's slippery," said
Donald McCann minutes before I almost
bought my lunch without paying for it. I
elected to slither over the rock resembling
the world's biggest lizard this side of the
Komodo Dragon, or is that the Comodo
Dragon -- more camp humor. The Ap-
palachian Trail is for woossies (an
Ellsworth assessmen0 compared to winter
off road mountain hiking, where a slip of
the foot and a crack of the head could have
you in front of the TV watching the Super-
bowl and swearing it's entertaining,. _
- S msyiv" al living brings out the "wild" in a
civilized man. You can see it in the eyes of
the fed-and-kept upon re-entry. They are
warm and they are weak. But do they sell
beer? Our group had a religious experience
for the first Sunday in twenty years. Good
kharma and bad mantras.
Life in the wilderness.
Lewes polar bears took
their first jump in 1985
Continued'from page 38 Bears are kind of a Phantom Pride
The original five jumpers all
"beared" their souls and bellies by
tiickname. There was the Cold
Weather Fairy, Oblong Head, In-
letman, Imitation Amishman and
Doublewide.
Over the next ten years hun-
dreds of different seaside silly
people have risked life and short-
ening limbs for the thrill of endor-
phine overdose while also getting
their names in a weekly sports
column. The status attained from
being a Lewes Polar Bear was of-
ten manifest at happy hours and
winter parties as: "What are you?
A freaking lunatic?"
The only requirement for be-
coming a bear is to come and
jump in the ocean while wearing
only a bathing suit. Booties may
be shaken but not worn on the
feet. No sweat pants or surfer
vests. Surfer lingo is permitted.
of Pfunny Porpi. Our youngest
member is five and the oldest is
' 76. There is a nucleus of Golden
Bears in the group who freely pass
on their 10 percent liquor store
discounts to big burly people who
pull them out of frozen rip tides.
Drinking before plunging is
frowned upon, but "Blessed are
the frowned upon for they shall
inherit the girth."(Beatitude joke
book.)
Delaware Special Olympics is
the only organization that the
Lewes Bears would ever allow to
dovetail or piggyback onto a
plunge. It's just too painful. But
we love the Special Olympians
and it's for a great cause, and lots
of State Police participate, which
may keep us out of traffic court.
Join us on Sunday, February 5
at 1 p.m., on the beach in front of
"This water is awesomely freak- the Cape Henlopen State Park
ing cold, dudes!" bath house, for a microbiological
: gush rush, as warm blood exits the
There are no dues and' no mere- extremities and rushes to protect
bership cards. And no free T- the body's trunk where all the fa-
shirts to visiting New Cotton vorite organs are stored. Remem-
Docker Yupsters so they ear tack bet Dave "Baby" Cortez and his
and all-wbeel drive back home hit song, "The Happy Organ?" He
telling their buddies over cappuci- wrote it after polar bearing.
no or a pair of chinos, "Lewes is The above piece was first writ-
so quaint." ten for the Delaware Special
Quaint we ain't. The Lewes Olympics News Letter.
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